A Beautiful Vulnerability: Why it’s Worth the Try

Wearing your heart on your sleeves, especially if you’re not used to doing so is never an easy process. How many times did you feel dreadful to tell a partner or parent how much you needed their support? Or maybe you avoided an issue with your S.O because you didn’t like to appear unlovable. Perhaps you bounced on a friend when their emotions felt too overwhelming. Either this fear or shame constitute core vulnerability, an emotional state that is terrifying to you in reaction to which you’ve developed strong defenses Steven Stosny, Ph.D., explains.

Stosny points out that there are two types of core vulnerability 1.) Fear of harm, deprivation or isolation 2.) Shame of failure or loss. People whose core vulnerability is fear will most likely risk shame if they have to, in order to prevent themselves from experiencing their fears; while those whose core vulnerability is shame, will risk harm, deprivation and isolation to at least avoid feeling like a failure.

No matter what your core vulnerability is, the fear of opening up is common and highly influenced by the early connections we had in our lives. Research published on International Journal of Psychological studies suggest that the more stable, predictable and loving relationships one had growing up, the lesser the concerns there will be in letting others in upon reaching adulthood.

Refusal to reveal your authentic self makes you put up a persona of likeability or even selfishness. Hiding what feelings underneath this façade may lead to walking a dark alley alone. As an article in singhealth.com.sg points out, keeping a tight lid on feelings will intensify such and may drive one to deep levels of depression. Here are realistic thoughts why vulnerability is worth the risk:

No one can emotionally hurt you without your consent

Say you always wanted to wear red swimsuit that feels like so you with that Baywatch babe feels, but you never had the nerve to pull it off until now. Then while you’re out soaking at the beach, someone approaches you and comments you look fat.

Even if we assume this is a rude person, she did not harm you. If she approached and told you your hair was on fire, you’d possibly laugh at it. But when she said you look fat, you feel hurt. Why? Because you have your own belief about the idea of fat and you associate it with feelings of unworthiness. But this gal was just holding up a mirror that reflects your system of beliefs.

She gave you a reminder that you equate “fat” with “unworthiness” and you hurt yourself by thinking just that. You wound your feelings by believing that fat means you don’t deserve to wear that red swimsuit. Ever.

Vulnerability is a key to connect with yourself and your relationships

When you allow and accept yourself to be vulnerable, fail, make mistakes and have imperfections, you connect with yourself. It opens the way for you to grow, transform and heal for the better.

The people in your closest relationships exist because you allowed them to see the real you. When you hide or pretend to be likeable, you cut people off from the authentic you. You become invisible to your own tribe.

You reject yourself before anyone has

When you avoid being vulnerable to avoid rejection in the end, remember that you have rejected yourself first before anyone did. And this sound like “I would really love to audition for that singing contest, but I think others are better singers than me so I’ll just pass at it.”

That thing right there is the rejection you hand to yourself. You seek to protect yourself from the idea of rejection and yet you pull the trigger to your own.

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6 Small Work Goals to Help You Land Your Dream Job

In order to successfully land your dream job, you need to learn to improve the things you can see—such as the way you dress, your resume, personability—and the things you can’t see—like being a go-getter, self-value, etc. While this may sound a lot, they are actually small life changes that can lead you to finding the job you’ve always dreamed to have. What are these little changes we’re talking about? Read on to find out.

1. Stick to a style
Determine your fashion style, improve and stick to it. Whether you aim for an eclectic mix of vintage and high-street fashion or a fun mix of smart and casual, sport it and make it work. If your office calls for an opportunity to get dressed, take advantage of it. Standout from everyone else by looking professional and stylish at the same time.

2. Focus on first impression
First impressions are important—and that you need to be ready every single day, because you just don’t know who you might bump into. But we’re not just talking about the looks here. This also means making sure that your social media looks appropriate, as most employers nowadays go online to background check a candidate.

3. Make connections
You may have the highest degree and graduated with flying colors, but in the midst of today’s competitive industries, those credentials may not be enough. If you are trying to land a job you really wanted, explore the industry and get to know more people. Do you have friends working in the industry you want to work in? Invite that friend for a coffee and ask them to bring two more people you can meet.

4. Polish your CV
People always try to cram too much information in their CV. What they don’t know is that the best ones are brief and concise—a single page of A4 size paper is enough, or a maximum of two pages if there’s more relevant content (not just any fluff).

5. Follow your gut feeling
For anyone who is no longer happy with their current job, follow your gut and take the risk. No guts, no glory. You may be afraid to fail and how people might react. But really, there’s no such thing as failure if you’ve gained new experience, especially if it leads you to your dream job.

6. Be nice
Being approachable and friendly goes a long way. It makes it easier to work as a team and makes a huge difference in lightening up the office vibes. Also, people are drawn into you if you give off that positive attitude, so offering yourself to help or voicing out useful suggestions is a good way to earn people’s trust.

Stay positive and manage your expectations. It may take a little while, but it will surely be worth the effort and the wait.

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Why That Quarter-Life Crisis Your Experiencing Now is Actually Beneficial for You

For many of us young adults in our 20s, life revolves around money matters and responsibilities that we have almost forgotten how it was like to have fun without having to spend a fortune. If you often look back to those days and feel a sense of discontent with the life you’re living, take comfort in the fact that something good is on its way.

Here are the reasons why you should be thankful of the quarter life crisis you’re struggling with right now:

1. The feeling of crisis opens the path for improvement.
Oftentimes, it is the universe’s way of telling us to grow; the universe will do for us what we normally wouldn’t do for ourselves. Perhaps, you got laid off from an eight-to-five job that’s slowly chipping your soul away, an argument with a roommate pushes you to live on your own, or an illness may take place to give you a break from too much work.

In the midst of crisis, you are forced to pause, reflect and make a decision. While it may be painful at first, it always ends up to a better and stronger you.

2. Contrast allows you to evolve.
A failed relationship, getting fired or feeling of discontentment will help you realize what you genuinely want. A breakup from a toxic relationship makes us desire for a more understanding and nurturing one. Getting fired from a job opens the door to consider other opportunities. Feeling of discontentment inspires you to start something new, perhaps moving to a new city or starting up a new business that you truly love. Contrast encourages you to explore new ideas and give more attention to your desires.

3. You develop resilience.
Although nobody prays to fail to improve their resilience, nobody can escape life without misfortunes. Embracing failures, trials and crisis, as well as your desire for change, will help develop your compassion and strength. These moments make us evaluate your current way of living, your decisions and your ways of making them.

Your 20s is going to be the worst and best time of your life. Good education will help you discover what you really want in life and what you want to become in the future, although there are many life events that will impact and influence your growth. Take advantage of the fortune within every misfortune and you’ll be surprised to arise sooner and stronger than you think.

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Fake It ‘Til You Make It!

6 Helpful Tips to Boost Your Confidence

Confident people are admired by others and can effortlessly inspire confidence in others, but not all of us are gifted with this. Fortunately, self-confidence can be earned and mastered, just like any other skill. Once you get the hang of it, everything in your life would be much better. How are we going to practice our confidence? Start with these helpful tips.

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1.       Change Your Body Language

Before walking into a room or turning up on a date, take a few seconds to breathe and pull yourself together. Breathe deeply, relax your shoulders, and smile to feel and look more confident.

2.       Give Good Greeting

Good greetings are more memorable and show intentions of making friends. If shaking hands, offer your hand with palm open and clasp the other hand firmly to show warmth. Look the person in the eye as you shake hands and smile.

3.       Use Touch to Convey Warmth and Interest

Touch is the most powerful form of communication and does more to convey warmth and interest than any words. Sitting in a corner with your arms folded looks unwelcoming and judgmental.

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4.       Connect With Eye Contact

When we feel shy, we enter the room uneasily and warily. To look poised and confident, glance at the group you’re meeting with a quick eye-to-eye contact to each of them. To make it easier, imagine you’re simply greeting your long time friends.

5.       Use Listening Signals

Being confident doesn’t mean you’re responsible for all the talking. People love a good listener as well. Face the person you’re talking when you’re on one-on-one, or turn your head to the speaker if you are part of a group. Maintain eye contact and nod occasionally to show interest and understanding.

Your level of confidence is shown in many different ways—the way you talk, what you say, your behaviour, the way you look, and so on. If you want to exude positivism and show people that you’re confident with your own being, start practicing these tips and you’ll soon feel more comfortable about yourself and develop natural confidence that flows naturally out of you.

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Two Great Things to Help you Improve at Work

It is very important to improve your work so that you will have the chance to be promoted. Promotion is what many employees want. Therefore in order to obtain the job promotion, you need to work hard for it. You have to do it from the start. Most of the successful professionals exert a lot of effort during the beginning of their career. Now, if you also want to be a successful professional, you must go through hard times. All should begin at the lower portion to reach the top.

 

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Listen and Focus

These two things are very special at work. When you a good listener, you can finish all tasks quick. On the other hand, if you combine your excellent listening skills to your deep focus, you are twice faster than what you can do. The more you listen to your boss, the simpler the work is. The more focus you are at work, the earlier you are to finish your duty.

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Always Be Early

A 10 minutes advantage can really make a big difference. Whether you are late or early by 10 minutes, it affects your work. Being late by 10 minutes is not a big deal when it comes to salary deduction but it is when it can to your performance at work, 10 minutes is a burden. On the other hand, if you get early at work by 10 minutes, your reward would be a reduced amount of stress.

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4 Positive Traits to Boost Your Leadership Skills

A leader’s duty is to direct his members of what are the possible things to do to accomplish their goals. They have to accept the fact, that they need to be strong in order for them reach whatever things they want to reach. However, skills and talent are not enough for this kind of career. You need to have an intellectual mind in order to guide you to prosperity.

 

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There are the following attitudes that an individual must have so that he will be a great and successful leader:

  • Have Confidence: In this kind of work, there is a need to be confident so that your members would believe and respect you way you distribute tasks. So, for those who wants to be a leader, show that you are sure about anything.
  • Be Passionate: Doing a work with passion is one way to excel. Having that determined mind is the key to become successful. Without this trait, it just simply as saying, “I surrender.”

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  • Show Unselfishness: You need to share some ideas that might be needed by your members. By doing this, you work load will be lighter and you will be more productive as a team. On the other hand, doing things on your own will make things more complicated. Remember that you have a team; you have chosen them because you know that they will give their best shot for the success.
  • Trust Yourself: As mentioned, you need to have this trait so that you can delegate tasks as fast as possible without your associates complaining or doubting.

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